Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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