It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
