I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
