Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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