I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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