i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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