it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
