I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
