I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
