i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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