The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
