I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
as a side note pls kill me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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