as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
