ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
