I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
