She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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