people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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