5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
