I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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