And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
