He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
