can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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