Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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