I think I died a long time ago.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need to get me chipped asap
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
