Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
