margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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