My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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