Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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