i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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