i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
