I need help removing her.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh god it's open bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
