He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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