My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
