i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
