spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
