i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
