i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
