It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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