Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
