she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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