Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
