you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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