You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
