Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
