At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
