this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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