oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
