you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
