can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
