it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
