thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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