how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
