I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
