Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
