That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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