dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
